miércoles, 13 de octubre de 2010

Dónde hay un telo?

Ahora que tengo un minuto y mientras tomo unos mates, me puse a escribir en el blog…como se habrán dado cuenta…Haciendo un repaso mental sobre mis primeros días de divorciado me vino a la memoria algo que ya casi tenía olvidado. Y que con gusto voy a compartir con ustedes…

Después de casi 10 años, entre noviazgo y casado…y después de haber pasado el duelo correspondiente, salí de mi cueva en busca de carne fresca.

Hay varias cosas que el divorciado tiene que afrontar y que descubre justo después que mando a la ex a la reverendísima concha de la lora.

Los quehaceres domésticos.
La comida.
El sexo (si es que ya no lo había perdido hacía tiempo)

Así que como podrán imaginarse…me departamento estaba hecho un kilombo, ropa sin lavar apilada en el lavadero, hacía días que comía lo que encontraba abierto y con delivery…y por supuesto…no tenía sexo ni pagando…todo lo hacía a mano…si si…todo, porque no tenía lavarropas.

Cansado de auto tocarme…me separé de mi mano y salí en búsqueda de algo que por lo menos, tenga algo más que 5 dedos.

Después de varios intentos fallidos, producto de mi inexperiencia y falta de práctica. Conocí a Tamara. Abogada, 35 años, divorciada hacía varios años y sin hijos. Mina piola, pero que tenía un problema…vivía con la madre.

La verdad que esto para mí no presentaba problema…solo que me di cuenta cuando terminamos de cenar y de darnos unos besitos en el auto. Mientras ella me hablaba de no sé qué huevada, mi mente volaba… ¡¡Ni en pedo la puedo llevar al departamento!!. Había basura que no sacaba desde hacía meses, ropa sucia, un desastre…es más, ni Yo mismo encontraba la cama y varias veces dormí en el sillón. Y bueno, entienda, estaba deprimido…

Así que corte por lo sano y encaré para un telo…

Primer problema…Dónde hay un telo?, la última vez que había ido a un telo creo que fue en el 98…y era para festejar algo…no me acuerdo. Así que mientras me hacía el boludo y hablaba de cualquier cosa, trataba de pensar y acordarme un telo decente a donde ir. Y que por supuesto, no quedara en la loma del orto.

Encaré para uno que estaba a media cuadra de donde trabajaba. Muy conocido por los oficinistas del micro centro. Cuando llego a la caja, bajo la ventanilla y el tipo me pregunta… - Qué tipo de habitación?....-ehhhh!!!!.... ni idea…qué se Yo…dame una no muy cara y con colchón de agua, le digo con tono medio canchero…- No flaco, la cama de agua ya no existe… - No?...qué pena…estaba bueno…y que tenes?. – Hay una libre con hidromasaje y lluvia tailandesa…. – Dale, dame esa…cuánto es? mientra le doy la tarjeta de débito...- No, me lo pagas a la salida…- OK, guardo la tarjeta haciendome el boludo…

Como se darán cuenta…estaba en bola, no entendía nada…llego a la habitación y después de tocar todos los botoncitos y leer la instrucciones para prender el hidro…me suena el teléfono de la habitación… - Hola!, contesto…-Si, de la recepción, podrías hacerme el favor de cerrar bien la puerta porque me marca en el sistema que está abierta y no me habilita el turno…- Ok, no hay drama…voy hasta la puerta, la abro y cierro…y sigo con lo mío. Cuando ya estaba poniéndome cachondo y había revoleado la camisa…suena el teléfono de vuelta… -Si?... – Perdona, pero me figura que sigue la puerta abierta…-OK, no hay drama, la cierro de nuevo…Voy y repito el procedimiento de nuevo y sigo, mientras me termino de sacar los pantalones…Otra vez el teléfono….- Flaco!, le contesto caliente y antes que pueda decir nada. Ya la cerré bien, no te hagas problema, pongo el cronómetro en el celular, en una hora me voy. Y si no, venís a cerrarla vos…en 5 minutos, le voy a dar murra a la morocha así que si me llamas de nuevo, no te voy a atender…entendiste? O te hago un dibujito?.

Como se podrán imaginar…no jodió más.

Después de esa experiencia y de lo que me dolió pagar la cuenta de la cena + tragos + telo …. Se podrán imaginar…no no, no limpio el departamento, las llevo así como está y les digo que la señora que limpia está de vacaciones y listo…. Está mal?

56 comentarios:

Ana dijo...

jajaja me hiciste acordar ¡hace cuánto que no voy a un telo! Prefiero estar en una casa, esté como esté, incluso soy capaz de empezar a ordenar jajaja

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